I've been trying to learn more about my mental illness. Mainly my schizoaffective disorder. I hope with understanding my illnesses I'll be able to understand myself and cope with it when an episode occurs.
I believe I was at one point in remission with my schizoaffective disorder for 4-5 years because my symptoms were a bit easier to handle, but I know I am no longer in remission and have no hope of ever achieving remission again.
Noticeable symptoms include:
Auditory hallucinations- One voice. Distorted but I can understand every word. I can hear them as if they were sitting next to me. The volume is normal. It's not a whisper. They are hateful, spiteful, and sadistic at first to hurt me and put me down. To manipulate me. I can feel their aura. I can also see their aura. (see visual hallucinations) Situation is of no concern but the intensity of dark aura increases when I am at my lowest. Once they see me begin to cave, they turn sweet, but only to make me feel like I'm making the right choice by harming or killing myself. Like coxing a child to do something they know they shouldn't.
Visual hallucinations- I can see the entity but it only appears as a shadow, like a dark aura. I see centipedes also. The time of day doesn't matter. I see them as if they were rain falling. Small and individual.
Coping mechanisms, I have in place to help when an episode occurs include:
Listening to music with my headphones
Playing my Nintendo Switch
Infinity fidget cube
Take prescribed Klonopin when needed
I plan on utilizing each item and have them with me everywhere I go. Going forward with my treatment plan I will inform all those involved that the sign of distress will involve putting on the headphones and playing music. Depending on the scenario I will either play on my Nintendo Switch or fidget with my Infinity cube, too. The Klonopin will be taken before any public scenario takes place. The care team will anticipate if any extra medication needs to be brought for longer outings.
I would like to bring up the concept of creating a Mind Palace with Andrew at our next therapy session.
My basic construct of my Mind Palace so far includes:
Location- The Cemetary from the 2004 movie The Phantom of the Opera