Mental Health Check

Doom and gloomy salutations forlorn ones,

I hate feeling apologetic for something I can’t control. Something I was born with shouldn’t make me feel guilty when it comes about, but when the people around you constantly make you feel like it’s all your fault; that you're a monster and demon and you don’t deserve to be treated as a human, you can’t help but feel like they’re right. 

So, I struggle every day. Of battling with debilitating mental illness, feeling overwhelming guilt and hatred of myself, and knowing that I shouldn’t feel guilty or hate myself but can’t stop doing it anyway.

All of this is an endless cycle 24/7 in my mind. So, though the existential crisis is real I will continue like this day to day because I love my son. 

As much as I wish I could end my suffering I choose to continue for him. Only him. I can’t help when the impulse takes control so, please be patient and help me by assuring me everything thing is ok. 

Once I calm down, I promise I still won’t be ok, but I’ll plaster my smile and soldier on in the war that is my mind. 

Because at the end of the day I have died long ago, and systems switched to auto pilot in this human suit. Please excuse me while I suffer in silence. 

Until next time. Have a spooktacular day.